Ninja Pajamas, and other good things.

Okay, I've finally figured out John Kerry. There is no possible way that anyone could possibly change their mind so often and so adamantly without the Liberal media calling their bluff. Er, ok, there has to be an excuse because if it was our beloved President playing opinion tennis with himself, they would draw and quarter him, and then barbecue the pieces, and since the media is so fair and unbiased, there is a reason they have not done the same with Kerry.

Therefore, the only possible conclusion is that Kerry is polyfragmented. Clearly, he is always telling the truth and always means what he says (because that's what it means to be a Liberal!) but there are different distinct personalities talking all the time, which then makes it appear that Kerry is contradicting himself, when in fact, it's the personalities that conflict. Obviously, he can't be held responsible if we just don't get it.

We should all feel sorry for John Kerry, because polyfragmentation occurs in people who have been ritually abused in childhood. Unfortunately, this undermines Baby Boomer/Liberal ideologies, because he's clearly suffered ill effects from growing up rich and privileged, suckling his designer silver spoon purchased with opium-trade proceeds. Other tragedies include the bombing of one of his childhood homes in France, camping in the real Sherwood Forest, attending Swiss boarding school, being a Catholic Liberal in a sea of Republican Episcopalians at St. Paul's School in New Hampshire, spending summers at the Forbes family estates on Naushon Island in Cape Cod, and going to Yale. I could go on about these tragedies, but they are truly extensive. Poor guy. Who would have thought that living in a let-them-eat-cake world would have such lasting ill effect?

I offer up the following quote from Charles Colson as part of my documentation of Kerry's polyfragmentation:

"He's politically ambitious and just looking for an issue. Yeah. He came back [from Vietnam] a hawk and became a dove when he saw the political opportunities."
From a recorded conversation with President Nixon on 04/28/71

Today's notes on John Kerry:

His wife is heiress to the H.J. Heinz Co. fortune, but they would rather give their money in support of G.W. Bush. (Not to editorialize, but perhaps those that run a successful business might now something about running a fiscally successful country?)

Hugh Hewitt calls Kerry the "International Man of Apology" and says Kerry has three things going for him:

"First, the press, like Tim Russert, isn't listening very closely to the absurdities like "literally, formally rejoining the community of nations." Second, his speaking style is so overwhelmingly self-important and so stultifying oppressive that most folks hit the off-switch when his lips begin to move, thus tuning out comments that would outrage them if they registered on the ears. And third, the "Bush Lied!" crazies wouldn't care if Kerry simply declared the dissolution of American sovereignty and a merger with Canada."

Finally, the Bush camp has produced a commercial entitled Doublespeak, highlighting John Kerry's habit of taking both sides on issues. I mean, difference of opinion among his multiple personalities.