Ninja Pajamas, and other good things.

Gold Miner

Gold miner captures the addictive sensations of the claw game of local Walmart/Toy Story fame. Aim your claw, and haul back moles, rocks, gold, and diamonds to meet your goal. Use the money you earn to buy things to make your next prospectin' trip a little easier! The up side of this game is that your aim doesn't have to be 100% perfect - just within a reasonable distance. Cuteness factor of little moles with diamonds in their mouths: 3/5

Without giving too much away Shrek II is an enjoyable romp through the territory of the original Shrek. The cgi is, for lack of a better word, awesome.

In this film, we pick up at the end of the first film, where Shrek and Fiona go on their honeymoon and return to find that Fiona's parents, King and Queen of Far, Far Away (which looks suspiciously like Beverly Hills) have summoned them to bestow their royal blessings on the marriage. Therefore, you can see that the plot is much weaker than the original.

There are other things missing, as well. In this, Shrek has become a typical groom, and wants to do anything to please Fiona. Fiona seems to have abandoned all vestiges of her former self, becoming an ogre completely, down to eating weird things and wallowing in mud. Both characters have lost their strong wills and self confidence. Therefore, everyone except Donkey seems to have changed entirely. Also missing are the hilarious slams on Disney - there are a few vague references, but the refreshing juxtaposition has been boiled down to some innocuous background jokes. The other thing that I missed was the humorous take on the fairy-tale world. You may remember Lord Farquaad's brilliant discourse with The Gingerbread Man in the first film - "Do you know The Muffin Man?" I was sincerely hoping to see even more of that type of wittiness in the second film, but it's simply not there.

However, this film hails the introduction of some absolutely fabulous new characters. The bright and shining example being Fairy Godmother, voiced by Jennifer Saunders of AbFab fame. Where her over the top screetching is annoying at best on the BBC TV series, in the world of Shrek, it not only fits, but it is synergistically perfect. Fairy Godmother is lovely, self-obsessed, a bit rotund, but completely over the top in her self promotion and propensity for provocative clothing. We get to see the inside of her magic-potion factory, and explore the dark side of the mythic Happiness Peddler.

In true form, Shrek pokes fun at many current movies, The Lord of the Rings, James Bond, and Ghostbusters. As usual, the richly designed locales leave no pun unturned and no detail ignored - for example, a sign in the tavern reads, "No one under XXI served." Even though it's just there for a flash, it's there - showing that the makers have not lost their eye for detail and quality.

Although some of the elements that make the first film classic are missing, Shrek II is a worthy successor. It doesn't feel like a television episode like MIB II, but is a movie in it's own right. In fact, this one has many many instances of bust-a-gut hilarity. When you go, remember to stay through a bit of the credits to find out what happened to Dragon (and see possibly the most doggone cute thing in the world). The showing that I went to did not have any outtakes at the end of the crawl, though, so you can leave after that part. Unless, of course, you distrust me. But then, if you distrusted me, then you wouldn't think that it is imperative that you see Shrek II, so you wouldn't go. So it's all moot. But I digress.

Another search term has lead people to this page - "What does the name Ayric mean and come from" - an in an effort to answer what inquiring minds want to know, here it is.

"Ayric" is a german formation of "Erik" or "Ayrik" or "Ayryk" or "Erick" or "Erich" or "Eryk" or "Erychk" or "Susan." It comes from Ayric's dad, Ayric, who got it from Ayric's dad's dad, Ayric, who got it from his dad, all the way back to Ayric's great-great-great-great-great grandfather, Susan.

The meaning of Ayric is diverse. It means "one who spots deer in feilds, yet does not shoot them, preferring large cuts of beef to scanty portions of venison." It also means, "One who is gifted with technology but not very handy." In certain circumstances, it may also mean, "One who can hold his liquor, three gigantic burgers, three slices of pizza, but will decline a wafer-thin mint, but can still rock at '80s trivia." Certain cultures also recognize it to mean, "A white guy without race that is very gullible." And finally, "my best friend who can reduce me to gut-wrenching laughter, or gut-wrenching anger."

People ask if my last name, Erickson, indicates anything related to these definitions. No, it does not. Erickson is the first name of my ancestor whose last name was Bygness, and there is no one in my lineage named "Susan."

I'm doing this lazy style. This is a logic puzzle that I keep attempting to do after midnight and continue to fail. It's just fricking neat, and now that the link is here, where I can find it, and I'll work on it more. It's called Chasm, and it's a beautiful form of flash. Let me know if you get this figured out (Ayric, this means you). Without further ado, I give you Chasm Platypus rating: Off the charts.

So, I was filling out the "Random Question" on my blogger profile, but it kept getting rejected because it was more than 150 characters. I can't say ANYTHING in less than 150 *words*, much less characters (This blog, prior to this post, has over 16k words). Stupid profile! Anyway, the question was, "When did you get up early to watch cartoons, and what did you watch?" 68 character question! Anyway, here's the story.

Once, when I was three or four, we lived on 12 acres out in the forest, and therefore got about two channels. I remember getting up early this particular Saturday, specifically to watch cartoons. I was up before my parents (this was back when I had two), so I flipped on the TV, all excited about these early-morning supervision-free cartoons that I had not yet sampled (Ultra conservative parents, therefore no Smurfs or anything like that because of the *magic* and *wizards*. Am I the only one who had trouble explaining that the "ghosts" in Scooby Doo were ALWAYS just people in costumes??).

All that was on was a football game.

I remember sitting on the naugahyde (and duct tape!) ottoman, completely crushed. Yet, at that point in time I was much more of a Pollyanna, so I sat there and rooted for the Chicago Bears. And I still do. I also learned that day what an utter disappointment early mornings are, and I haven't been duped since.

So you understand your own Lebowskiness...but which Marvel Superhero are you?

I am (obviously):

Fine. This picture is only about 210 or so days old.

Ninja Burger offers up some Ninja fun and games, like Nin-ja-toe and a flash game (warning: contains wasabi!) Not really a gaming fix, but a little Ninja love nonetheless. My secret Ninja name is Sadao Tadokoro-san, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret.

There is just not enough ME here, so today's quote is by, well, Me!

"When you're living with your parents, you're an annoyance. When you move out, you're a celebrity. Both are equally undesireable."

Andy Kaufman, of Man on the Moon and Taxi fame, is back. He wasn't dead. It was a big joke all along. My impression of him after seeing Man in the Moon was, "What an asshole." Suspicions confirmed.

Alternatives to the news could be that this is being perpetuated by an imposter. Based on what I've read in his blog (which, incidentally, has no current pictures), I'd say that has a pretty good probability because based on what little I know of the real Andy Kaufman, I would assume he'd be an even bigger, more arrogant asshole 20 years later. I really could go either way on this one. However, either possibility leads me to the same basic conclusion. "So what?"

I have to say that the only thing that sucks about Kingdom of Loathing is that you only get so many turns. I've burned through all 120 turns (two days worth!) plus others I've earned/found for THREE characters. Sometimes, a game is just too fun. The "Out of Adventures" graphic sums up:

According to the "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" quiz:

Why don't you check it out? Or we cut of your Johnson!

Ninjapajamas is officially googleable! Several poor, misguided people have found NP by searching for the following rather amusing strings:

on Google:

sicaf sand animation music
pavement drawing kurt wenner
pajamas culture
tontie strategy
tontie level secret
tontie upgrades
"julian hurst" christian
sicaf "ferenc cako" "sand" "video"

On Yahoo!:

ninja things
joke, tontie
korean pajamas

See, my cultural pajamaness of sand animationosity now lives in infamy - and I am not alone in my quest for Tontie Nirvana.

If you've been following along, you probably don't need to know all about *me*, but you can find all about yourself using Googlism. Beware, you might find that you are a beautiful champagne colored bunny boy. I, however, am under attack AND changing the landscape of America. Thankfully, I'm also difficult to learn, alive and well, too complex, and measureably more productive. Who are you? Post to the comments!

(This is an educational activity which is perfectly fine for consumption on company time. I mean, where else would you be able to experience unbaised factual information such as Bill Gates being, paradoxically, Darth Vader, the Pope, dead as of 1999, a wanker, the devil himself, yet a hero and right?)

Play around with this surprisingly versitile interface and make your own Picasso-like painting. Makes you go "Ooh" and "why did he deserve so much fuss? This is easy." at the same time. Email your painting to a friend and then flip through the gallery for some neat examples.

You know, I'm a rugged conservative, Bird-Hating-Libertarian, even. However, you know, such a precarious position on the tip of the right wing is not without its caveats. I mean, yeah, I and my collective peers are *right*, hence "right" wing, but *being* right and *getting it right* sometimes differ. At any rate, this article points out that it is possible to be just a tad too Right.

If you need a quick shot of ninja action, play this super quick fight game. The basic objective is to hit the "A" and "D" keys as fast as you can, so if you're looking for a little typing warmup or some help getting your early onset carpal tunnel for disability purposes, this game is for you. This is kind of like Tekken or whatever without the hold-down-ten-keys-and-hit-the-eleventh-with-your-nose special moves factor. Quick gaming fix, without pesky addiction factor. No matter how height-disillusioned you are, Three Foot Ninja will have you walking tall.

If you're feeling a bit more lazy and a tad more thinkish, and possibly have a yen for a hibachi PopTart, practice your 1337 ninja skills by playing this kind of...choose your own adventure puzzle flash. It's also another non-addictive fun five minutes with some nice, albeit basic, flash animation. Can you survive as an IT Ninja?

Kingdom of Loathing



Sometimes, it's cool to have a little game you check in with every day. I just started this one today, but it's already got me addicted. BTW, "TBRPG" stands for Turn Based Role Playing Game. In this instance, you can either ascend to grand mastery as a Seal Clubber, an Accordion Theif, a Pastamancer, or another equally silly characters. Each one is represented by a quality rendition in neo-renaissance stick figure art. Travel through the kingdom, fish in the sewer with some gum on a string, battle undead elbow macaroni in a sleazy back alley, get a tattoo at the Dirt-Walled Hovel of The Pretentious Artist, or see what the Crackpot Mystic has in store for you. Beware of the Ninja snowmen! Collect currency in the form of meat, and work on your muscle, mysticality, moxie, and maybe, if you get ahold of some of that Mad Train Wine, your Inebriety. Gather cool shit via adventuring, such as a sweet ninja sword, studded leather boxer shorts, or some tomatoes. Characters within the game will give you missions, such as using meat paste to reassemble a favorite action figure. It's laughably silly and very fun. There's quite a bit of complexity and, of course, limited turns. There's something about HP and MP, but since that makes me think of the PV/BV in Amway, and therefore gives me the heebie jeebies, I don't worry about it too much and just make sure they are maxed out by resting in my Newbiesport Tent at the campgrounds. You should definately give this one a whirl, and if you find Degrassi Knoll, let me know where it is!

Insaniquarium

Ok, I know it sounds really lame, but in all actuality it's a lot of fun. You start with an aquarium with two little tiny guppies. As you feed them, they grow, and the larger they grow, the more options you have available to you. Medium sized guppies poop silver coins, and large guppies poop gold coins. If you are a masterful aquariumist, your big guppies will eventually turn blue, at which point they will crap diamonds. (If anyone knows where to get real money-crapping fish, please email me). The coins equal money, money equals upgrades. But Beware! There are evil aliens lurking about that hunger for fresh sushi! You must battle them with your laser to the death! Collect coins, buy upgrades. Collect enough coins, and buy egg peices. Buy three egg peices, and you pass the level and the egg hatches into a magical pet that will help you in your journey in future levels. There is enough variety in this game to keep it interesting, plus you will need mad clicking skeelz (although not necessarily accurate ones) to pass the levels. Luckily, this game can be paused and auto saves via a cookie.

Ease for the uncoordinated: 4/5 - semi-soft, diet low-fat accuracy only.
Simplicity: 5/5
Strategy Factor: 3/5 - Takes a little figuring out. Just a LITTLE.
Ease of beating Ayric: Like I could get him to play this game. So, let's just say...5/5!
Addiction factor: 4/5 - I've played this baby off and on for years.
Money factor: 5/5 - mo money, mo power.

Well, guess what you missed? While I was waxing poetic about baby birds, a comedian was on Leno. Holy crap, he was hilarious. If you ever flip channels and see Daniel Tosh performing - tune in. Here's just one that I can remember:

I think it's funny that all these rap stars that used to be gangsters and thugs are all upset that people are downloading music because it's "stealing." Excuse me, I almost choked on the *irony*. It's file sharing! And remember, when you're thinking about downloading music, as yourself, "What would Jesus do?" Jesus taught *sharing*!

Holy crap, I've been horrible about updating. Forgive me. Please? Well, I'm watching Laura Bush on Jay Leno. You would think it would be like watching a puma eat a puppy, but our First Lady is holding her own. She seems really sweet. Anyway. I wanted to let all of you know what happened to the baby birds in the field. The nest became a little hobby - I always wandered past it. I purposed to take a picture for all of you, and Ayric bought rechargables for my digital for the occassion. I went out one day, and two of the four eggs had hatched. The birds weren't, suprisingly enough, ugly. They were all very dark, and we all know that dark babies are MUCH cuter than light babies. Ayric and I peered at them, looking to see if they were alive. The two of them, immensely larger than the eggs from which they had recently emerged, quivered ever so slightly. We could see each and every heartbeat through their feathers. It was enchanting. They looked like they might melt if you touched them, dissolve into a little cloud of pixie dust and baby stars. It was one of God's little miracles, which we often fail to see in our little digital prisons.

I hoped for the best for these babies, knowing full well that feral birds tend to stay in the same area where they hatch for the rest of their lives. That's about a million craps on my car, not even counting offspring. Can you understand the immensity of such goodwill? Keeping in mind I have a black car?? I thought about taking out my expen to protect the nest, but when I went out the next day, the whole nest was gone, both eggs and both babies. I searched the field - does a bird move her babies like a cat? All that was left was one tiny fragment of one egg. I kicked myself for about three days for not saving them, raising them. The baby birds are gone to baby bird heaven, which I can only hope is very very far away from Black Car heaven.

If ever given the choice between seeing Blair Witch 2 and Van Helsing, promise me, dear readers, you'll go to Blair 2. At least that movie is funny. Van Helsing, with a surprisingly generous Tomato-meter rating of 25%, tries too hard to be at once campy and fun, dark, mysterious, and serious - to be everything to everyone. It ends up looking like Tim Burton and Jim Carrey's love child with the unfortunate side effect of combining the worst possible genes from some not-so-promising parents. Much like Hellboy, about a billion dollars out of the billion and two dollar budget went toward special effects and high profile casting, leaving a buck each for story line and post-production editing. Truth be told, they could have cut that to $1.50 with the same end result if they had given both the crayons and the scissors to one five year old, instead of bribing two. If you don't mind paying $8 to be dazzled by eye candy, by all means, go see it. If, however, you would like anything cohesive or believable, even Beavis and Butthead bring more to the table. As far as vampire movies go...boy. God. I really need to get a government grant for public education on the subject of vampires. What a waste of a good concept. See, I'm so repulsed by this movie, I can't even write cohesively! I may have actually lost some of my soul (not to mention my life and about 7 brain cells) watching this horrible movie. On the plus side, Hugh Jackman got on with his bad self and did the best he could with what he had, and Kate Beckinsdale looked refreshingly different - more like a gypsy queen than Snow White. She still can't act worth shit. Had it been my movie, I would have used that extra fifty cents to get Yakov Smirnoff to teach her a passable Russian accent. If this movie was a car it would be: The MGB - gets a lot of attention, but breaks down every 4.5 minutes.

<no>circles</no>

Manipulate whatever is in front of you to accomplish a goal. Very simple interface, each puzzle is different, and it has a very zen soundtrack and interface. Both versions are equally good and should provide you with a good fifteen minutes of entertainment over your morning coffee. This is a very enjoyable logic puzzle.

Ease for the uncoordinated: 3/5 - Helped by unlimited "lives"
Simplicity: 5/5 - Unless you are bothered by a lack of directions. The only real direction is "figure it out"
Strategy Factor: 3/5 - with unlimited lives, you can keep trying different things without penalty, but it *does* take some figuring out.
Ease of beating Ayric: Undetermined.
Addiction factor: 1/5 - Finish them up and have a sense of accomplishment.
Money factor: 0/5 - No money, no points, no time limit, it's just fun.

For nine months, there has been a severe imbalance of metrosexuality on the Pacific Coast. Finally, our source of all that is martinified and metro is coming home to restore harmony. Ninjapajamas and about three million people welcome home Julian Hurst with open arms and expectations for a wild welcome bash.

Just for you, V - I don't have any creepy websites at present, but here's a little poem that I like:


The night feels alive
as terrors arrive
Your nerves are split down the seam
Dancing ghosts
and devilish hosts
A green skinned red-eyed fiend
Goblins and creatures
With twisted dark features
Smiling with thoughts growing rotten
Undead roam the street
with a taste for fresh meat
Only hunger has not been forgotten
A warning to all
that comes every fall
The day when monsters appear
Treating or trick
better get away quick
As the unseen slowly grow near
Pumpkins and candy
Have a flashlight handy
and be prepared for a startle or fright
And watch out behind you
They are out there to find you
As always on Halloween night

Things I know about, that other people tend not to know about, that there is really no point in knowing about, but I know about anyway.



WTF is that? Apparently, it's a new plate for Oregon. "Cultural Trust?" WTF is "Cultural Trust"? The plate looks like a digitized photograph of some people doing the nasty, therefore, Ayric calls it the "scrambled porn" plate. We've found a few of them parked here and there and have attempted to discern exactly what it is. We've tried squinting, not squinting, standing far away, getting up close, tilting our heads this way and that...and...nothing. Not the farthest stretch of the imagination can interpret it as anything but a scrambled porno photo of people with sunburns, possibly holding some steaks that are exploding.

Finally, in desperation, Ayric called me today after seeing on and experiencing a debilitating brain cramp of "What IS that THING!?!?" He said that he was in dire need of a "Things I know that other people don't know that, like, doesn't matter, TIKA-blah-blah."

So, here it is.

For quite some time, as I searched, I didn't come up with anything. Just that it was the new "Cultural" plate. What culture? Does Oregon have a prevaling scrambled porn culture that I've just missed out on? Culture? Our "culture" is one of Democratic gross negligence, which, I suppose, could be likened to getting your groove on instead of extinguishing flaming steaks.

Apparently Oregon, in infinite fiscal wisdom, passed a bill (or law, or whatever) securing Oregon's culture via sloppy funding, part of which comes from those who purchase Porn Plate. Your support of the Porn plate will ensure the "preservation of Oregon's cultural assets for generations to come." Hooray. That means things like Fort Stevens, which will never decay whatsoever due to being constructed entirely of boring-to-look-at cement, will continue to bore groups of schoolchildren and provide opportunities and shelter for their stolen moments of adolescent fumbling.

So, before I unveil the meaning behind the porn, take a moment to administer your own License Plate Rorschach Test. Post your thoughts to the comments! So far, responses beyond my own and Ayric's, without any coaching, include:

"It's 9/11, or, maybe mount hood with a sunset? Something about the Oregon Trail?"

"At first, it looked vaguely like a naked woman bending over backwards, but upon closer examination, I decided it was a sexually themed mural."

Without further ado:

The license plate designer, Kelly Kievit, trained as a fine artist with an MFA in sculpture from Arizona State University (1997) and is currently represented by Margo Jacobsen Gallery; she works as a graphic designer at CH2M Hill.

Of the over 100 designs submitted to the Cultural Trust in response to an open competition, two of Ms. Kievet's designs made it onto the short list. She referred to the selected entry as her "color field" proposal. The color field design does not use any recognizable images; rather, it is an abstract series of color overlays creating a warm field of color. From a distance, the plate will read as a warm, light red color that will be clearly distinguishable from other vanity plates such as the Salmon Plate, the Fir Tree or the new Crater Lake plate.

There you have it folks, it's a big stupid red blob. Which represents Cultural Heritage. Lame Lame Lame Lame LAME!

Now, if they had the sense to make one that had a goggle-eyed Vera Katz saying, "Let them eat cake", I would have bought it, because that really is the Oregon culture.

Tontie high score: 29185!

Good ideas for updates coming soon...but I have to get some major things done here for a bit.

So, I chickened out. I found the aforementioned birds nest, with four ecru eggs covered in brown speckles. I was on the phone with S at the time, and I very deeply considered the implications of stomping it to peices. Several things held me back. First of all, eggs are gooey, not to mention, I have no idea what stage of the goo-to-egg conversion the little birds were. I've seen dead baby chickens come out of a "farm fresh" egg before, and ugh, ugh, ugh, it's not something you want on your shoe. Then, I had just finished watching the first few minutes of one of those animal cop shows. The inevitability of those shows is they uncover cases of abuse and neglect, and show those poor suffering animals. So, I was fresh from bawling my eyes out over a puppy that had been starved to about a quarter of its natural weight (and was found still alive, but too late to save it). I had also just finished ranting about how cruel people can be, how they can look at something so fragile, precious, and pure, and deny it sustenance.

So, out in the field by my house is a little clutch of four intact very lovely bird eggs that will grow and develop, and likely being feral, will live out their lives crapping on my car.

Thank you Discovery Channel. Stupid, stupid soft heart of mine!

Doesn't that sound vaguely...Buddhist? Like, meditating on that for a bit might allow you to transcend or ascend or hit send or whatever people are aspiring to these days. Nothing you see...is real. Nothing, you see, is real. Nothing. You. See. Is. Real.

The thing that is beginning to worry me is that it's true. Movies, TV, even/especially reality TV...it's all completely unreal. I could wax poetic about the sociological implications of a completely pseudo-faux-mock-illusion society, but, I wont. I will, however, say that pretty much *nothing* in this post is entirely safe for work. Things that are not real and boobs are pretty much synonymous.

So, we've all seen
Celebrities without makeup but I was a little surprised to discover just how fake celebrities really are, by way of cosmetic surgery. I had no idea that everyone's love-to-hate boricua JLo had been under the knife. In the comparative pictures you can see how, in most cases, these "celeb" folks seem downright normal, and pretty darn un-glam, and although the carving oft produces hideous effects, sometimes it can be stunning. (On that page, see Becoming JLo). I think you'll be pretty shocked when you look up Catherine Zeta-Jones, Courtney Love, and Lil Kim. They looked like totally different people, once upon a time.

So, Looking at the CZJ and Halle Berry photogs, I wonder if I have what it takes to be carved into a Silicone David. I'm going to give it a shot in Photoshop.

Further proof that nothing you see is real lies within photoshop skills. Fark hosts a contest, but for the most part, it's people throwing together a few cliches and potty humor. However, I've discovered today quite possibly some of the hottest amateur action around. Amateur photoshoppers, that is...er, what did you *think* I meant? Anyway, the ones that suck get deleted, but unlike fark, the good ones are cached. Hurray for Cache!

Check out:

Celebrity Time Travel

A Little DE-touching

and, if you've got time, some of these are funny.

There are some non-celeb things but I didn't find any super great ones today. Plus, I had one of those periods were I was fascinated with celebrity today - not any particular one, but the state of being called "Celebrity" At any rate, I'm going to be bookmarking Worth1000 because this is seriously quality work. And, it just might help me ascend, or whatever.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course
and he'll give you the answer that you endorse,
unless, of course, that horse is

THE FAMOUS JOHN KERRY!

Things I know about, that other people tend not to know about, that there is really no point in knowing about, but I know about anyway.

Someone asked for it, but since I haven't really collected enough to make a solid three part bit, you only get ONE, in the true tradition of the hasty ill-conceived sequel.

Have you ever gone somewhere or seen something that contained the words "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipisicing elit sed do eiusmod tempor...." etc. etc.? Generally this is used for filler text in templates and mockups. Anyway, Lorem Ipsum is latinish text that has been used as filler in printing since the 16th century.

In graphic design, using this text (or any text) to dummy in text is called "greeking" which really makes no sense.

Lorem ipsum is derived from Cicero's De Finibus - an essay on ethical theory hailing from about 45 BC. You could rightfully say that it isn't latin at all, because it doesn't translate directly. However, the original reads "Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit..." etc. so you can see that someone just cut out some of the words or parts of words.

For those of you who are masochistic, that passage translates to "There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain" because it was written before the advent of BDSM.

Blog the Blogging Bloggers!

Mr. P has asked that I explaing blogging to those who would like to blog as I have done. Now, I'm a total neophyte, so this is purely from my perspective *only*

1. Get a free blog. Don't pay for one, don't host one, don't put script on your own site. There's no need to. Unless you somehow get a bajillion readers, don't bother. I didn't, even though I have existing domains. Click on the graphic above the j and the j in ninjapajamas in orange above, or, if you are feeling more energetic or want to burn an extra fraction of a calorie, scroll all the way down to the bottom and click on the graphic in the lower left. Blogger and Blogspot are the same thing. I chose blogger because quite a few are cutesy-neat-pretty and so on but require server-side installation. Blogger is big and well known, and I think it's mighty easy to use. If you have more questions about how to use blogger, post a comment. I also like that blogger is simple and straightforward, and not all cutesy with the mood indicators and whatnot. Who cares about my mood? Who cares what my mood was last week? Even I, in my magnificent narcissism, do not.

2. Post stuff. Tell your friends. Make them sit in front of a computer and monitor them as they read. Ask them incessantly if they have read your blog. (but do not do this to me) When you register, there's some kind of thing that you can check off that will broadcast your updates to a page that lists all blogs. Do that. Why not?

3. Upgrading. You can upgrade your blog by changing the template, choosing other templates, and doing manual template edits if your html skills are pretty good. I had to change the template to make my horizontal rule look like I wanted it to, and you just need to do a basic search to find the tags you want. There are also a lot of other templates for free out there that you can use.

3a. Adding a counter is a good way to deflate your ego. Scroll down to the bottom of this page and you can click on my counter and sign up for your own. It is added by modifying the template to include the appropriate coding, which is generated by the counter service. There are many out there, but as per usual I clicked on a counter somewhere and just used that one because it was right there. That counter is good enough for me, but if you want something extra special, search. There are no shortages of counter styles out there.

3b. Adding comments capabilities. I use Blogback. I also tried Etenation but it was hard to put it into my template and I didn't feel like dicking with it. At one point I had all my posts on the page decreasing in text size until it was smaller than that of a TOS. Because of this, I highly recommend "backing up" your template by copying and pasting it into notepad just in case you screw it up. Blogback is super easy. You just copy and paste your existing template into a little box, and then it generates new code that you copy and paste back into your template screen. Very easy. Several utilities ask for your username and passcode, and then attempt to log in and change your template that way. Not sure if I like that as much, plus, it doesn't seem to work.

3c. Adding other crap. There is a lot of other crap that you can add. Here's an entire list, in fact. Most of this is just lame, so, fuggeddaboudit.

3d. If you want to be cool like me, and post things so that links appear in new windows, you need to add a peice of code like this: ....endofurl.com"[space]target="_blank"[closing bracket] where the things [within] are replaced with, well, what I said.

Pretty much everything else is smooth and automatic, such as archiving and so on. Try it out, send me a link, and enjoy!

BTW - Steffan mentioned to me that beta g-mail accounts are being given to some bloggers. I haven't confirmed this.

You've asked for it, and now you have it! As you can see below, I have added a comment utility. All you have to do is click on Comment to post a comment about any post you'd like. The only thing I ask is that you don't bother with spelling corrections. I'm lysdexic and I spell very poorly and I *know* this. Anyway, I really look forward to your comments - things like "that was a cool site" or "what about this site" or "that reminds me of this other site" or "more like this, please" helps me build a better site for you to enjoy and gives you a million HP of internet karma which is not currently redeemable for cash, but one day, it just might be!

I'd also appreciate notes if a link is broken or doesn't open in a new window, if you like a game or not, if you have a question about a game or something else mentioned, or if you'd just like to say Hi or note that you are indeed reading the blog.

Let me know if you're passing on this site to your friends, and if you're not, let me know what I can do or add to encourage you to do so.

Enjoy and comment away!

Since we've not only been running low on the posting around here, as well as the flash games, the ninja shortage and pajama shortage cannot be neglected any longer! I've got nothing in the pajama department, but I can offer up this cool little comic called White Ninja. It's very lighthearted and sweet, and the ninja in question reminds me quite a bit of Ayric. I think quite a bit of that association is because of the Benny Benassi song where the chorus goes, "No matter what you do" and Ayric swears that it goes, "No matter what doodlie-do" which is a lot like Chicken-noodle-doo

Defend your Castle!

The point of the game is to defend your castle against invading stick figures who will pound on your portcullis or try to take a battering ram to it. To kill them, you simply pick them up and fling them, and then gravity takes care of the rest, with a lovely little stick figure death and satisfying bone crunching sound bytes. The best parts about this game are that you can save your game as well as use your points to buy upgrades. Unlike Tontie, where you have to wait for an opportunity to buy upgrades, you get a shot at the end of every round to save your game, and repair and fortify your castle. When you have larger amounts of points, you can buy a temple which will convert your attackers which you can then (with more upgrades) turn into suicide bombers, archers, repairmen, and wizards, all of whom will aid in defending your castle. The pace starts out leisurely, but accelerates pretty quickly to the point where you are frantically flinging, converting, and training. This is a completely fabulous game. Fortunately you can pause it so you can defend your castle all day long even if pesky work obligations interrupt your mania. It's not explained in the game, so I will mention that to allocate converts to a certain undertaking, you click on the appropriate flag. Once you have the demolition upgrade, you click directly on the convert, and then he will scurry out of the castle and you can click on him again to detonate him and kill quite a bit of what is around him. The best thing is that if you save at an opportune moment, even if you die in the subsequent round, you can return to that point and try again. This is really important when the gigantic stick figures come along, which I have not managed to kill by flinging but will go down with a bomb. Being that there is a time lapse in creating converts, I would suggest you keep a couple of converts on hand when you get further along so that you can bomb at will instead of waiting for a convert, but I haven't tried it.

Ease for the uncoordinated: 1/5 - accurate clicking and flinging required, moving targets involved.
Simplicity: 3/5 - The concept is simple, but working the upgrades is kind of hard as there aren't any real explainations in the help portion.
Strategy Factor: 4/5 - To get very far, you really have to keep an eye on how you spend your money. Maintaining your ranks costs you money, and eventually you will have to figure out the best distribution of types of converts for optimum performance.
Ease of beating Ayric: 1/5 - I haven't tested this, but he's quite a bit more coordinated.
Addiction factor: 4/5 - With the ability to save and start again from an optimum place in the game, I can see some serious addictive properties.

I'm going to add one more rating here, because I think this really makes a difference in the type of games I like.

Money factor: 5/5, you have to make it, you have to spend it, and you have to use it wisely to advance.

Not only do I really hate cats, but I also really hate birds. It is springtime here in Portland, and along with that there are ginormous amounts of fricking birds EVERYWHERE. Thank GOD we got rid of a certain employee that fed geese in the field. This year there were only one or two geese and my dogs ran them off pretty consistently. However, there are still way too many birds. The problem with birds is that they have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, except for eggs and chicken. I would be willing to do without chicken, and possibly resign myself to synthesized eggs, just to be rid of birds.

1. They shit indescriminately. They shit all over everything, all the time. Not only is it a nasty white shitmark on my car, but it also eats into the paint. Birds don't pee, it's all just one massive disgusting looch of acrid nastiness. At least dogs and other animals have a little dignity and generally have toilet habits. Birds just let whatever fly out of their asses whenever from great heights. You can't even park in the parking garage or drive across a bridge without your car being pelted. They are so arrogant in their shit distribution methods, they are worse than those mexicans that stand in front of the casinos in Las Vegas pushing porno cards on everyone. At least the porno card pushers don't eat the paint off of your car, and the little titty cards do not give you histoplasmosis no matter how many are all over the ground.

...more...

For your scrolling pleasure, I have moved the majority of this post to alternate hosting. Click above to read the rest of my bird anger. The funniest bits are yet to come. Since it's my own writing, I'll say that the "Excellent application of hatred and perfection of the use of the word 'fuck'" factor to be 5/5!

Visits to this site, including my work IP but not my home IP, since the start of the counter: 139

Average visit length: 7 seconds. (Come on people! Attention span!)

Number of episodes of a certain television show that shall remain nameless watched: 132

Number of pages proofed for Project Gutenberg's Distributed Proofreaders: 118

High score playing Tontie: 20,265

Number of ways to spell
"Viagra": 1,300,925,111,156,286,160,896

Ailurophobia

Some people are so afraid of cats that they can't even read about them. You silly people! How can you resist the darling slits of their greenish, alien eyes? How can you deprive yourselves of the incessant kneading of their razor-sharp, blood-drawing claws? How can you turn away from the unearthly throb of the purr exuding from deep within their soulless, carnivorous little bodies? They're gentle friends until the day they suffocate you in your sleep.

From Brunching

Running out of things to order from Netflix? I highly reccommend Bullshit! with Penn and Teller. I ordered the first disk, which debunked the current rage, those people who talk to the dead, like John Edwards. The other episodes ranted and raved against alternative medicine, alien abductions, second hand smoke, the end of the world, and baby rearing products. Although there are some things that might offend me as a ...hmm...how can I label myself whilst not using an actual label? Er, "Protestant" I suppose will do. Or perhaps, "Christian". Anyway, some things (including the incredible amounts of cussing) might offend, but to me, it's all made up by the thorough debunking of the "risks" of second hand smoke featuring everyone's favorite sage from south central, Larry Elder. I really had no idea that the whole "Second Hands Smoke" movement was all smoke and mirrors (hehe). Anyway, I'm going to be late to work. So, get yourself some Penn and Teller love and enjoy calling bullshit. (More to follow, this is dreadfully unfunny)

Ayric and I were recently at a little Chinese restaurant and he mentioned to me that Asian people seem "terse." For example, a non-Asian server might make a lot of small talk such as, "Okay, will that be all? Great, we'll have that out to you right away." etc. etc. whereas in this situation, the server just said, "Okay" and walked away. Gasp! Not a garrulous American!

My explaination was that for people who speak English as a second language, and so colloquialisms don't really come naturally. If you don't grow up saying and experiencing filler phrases, you simply don't think to say them

My mother actually had further insight. In Korean, at least, one phrase, one very short phrase, contains quite a bit more information and politeness than the comparable phrase in English. For example:

English:

1. Do you have any coffee?/Is there any coffee?

2. Why yes, I have some coffee right here. Would you like some?

3. May I have some coffee please? Would you mind terribly getting me some? I would really appreciate some.

4. Are you enjoying your coffee?

5. Oh, yes, it's very delicious, thank you.

Korean:

1. Issuyo Coffee? (which is pronounced more like "copy" since there really isn't an "f" in Korean)

2. Issuyo Coffee.

3. Coffee Chuseyo.

4. Choahyo?

5. Choahyo.

Where Chuseyo is quite literally, "give me" - all of the politeness is implied. Truthfully, with the gutteral intonations of the language and the massive amount of frowning going on, I was always convinced as a child that my aunties were going to rip each other limb from limb.

So, the next time you're concerned your Chinese restaurant waitress is poised to rip you limb from limb, just remember that each word is infused with all the politeness you can imagine, as though saturated in MSG.

(Either that, or you're victim of stereotypical Asian arrogance and xenophobia. There's really no way to tell, so forget about it.)

The things that people consider edible really fascinate me. The first three things that come to mind, of course, are pork, milk, and bell peppers.

I've long said that a lot of things that we eat are aquired tastes that we wouldn't have had we not grown up eating them. Being Asian and enjoying things like fermented cabbage and radish, seaweed, raw fish, candied anchovies, etc. I think I'm quite qualified to make the assertion that things like box macaroni and cheese, etc, are really quite gross.

Possibly the grossest culture in terms of consumables would be the British. I only need to name one single food grouping to prove my point. The gag-inducing trio of Vegimite, Marmite, and Bovril. These are spreads consist largely of fermented yeast, with Bovril having the added delight of being beef flavored.

So, just for you, here is a web tour to fascinate, intrigue, and disgust, as well as make you grateful the next time you are facing a dinner of cold cereal.

Brunching.com offered up ratings and enlightening details about snack foods from Canada, Czechloslovakia/Romania, Korea, more Korea, Japan, and Israel

If, after you read these, you find yourself unable to live without being able to sample Tomato Pretzels washed down with Pocari Sweat, have no fear because JBox comes to the rescue. (Sister site JList offers the Hello Kitty Vibrator and other naughtiness)

For your sophmoric delight, Rob Cockerham has compiled a lovely list, along with informative diagram, of Naughty Foods like Tangy Tit Bits. For even more, visit this huge list of rude foods where you will find much more anal references.

However, the real reason for this post is a chance to offer you the following three sites from our own recent American history.

First, you must visit the Gallery of Regrettable Foods from the Institute of Official Cheer, where you can find all kinds of vintage weirdness.

Then, Cate's Garage offers up vintage resources along with pithy modern commentary (with liberal use of the accurate word "skeevy"), the best being:

Diet Foods
Scandalous Foods
"Nutritious" Foods
and a triptych of "Man Eats"

Truth be told, however, this was all a gigantic setup for this site, one that will make you laugh until you cry, or gag, or both. Without further ado, brace yourself, and explore these lovely receipes from '70's era Weight Watchers Cards at Candy Boots. (Actual directions have been omitted, Thank God.)

Whatever you take from this, remember, someone out there craves, someone out there sells, and someone out there makes quite a bit of money manufacturing Musk flavored Life Savers.

I haven't posted in a few days. Mostly because I've been required to *work* at work, and Ayric has been in residence. He did a very regrettable thing, actually. He bought and installed the low-cost alternative version of this.

For those of you who know me, it's been about 2 years since I've had television in my home. I didn't miss it at all. Now it's like crack. However, it hasn't been a total loss.

While watching the Iron Chef marathon and the South Park marathons, I've been contributing to Project Gutenberg, which has fascinated me for several years, I'd say at least 6 or 8. Project Gutenberg is basically a gigantic collaberative project to bring all uncopyrighted literary materials to the digital domain for free distribution. PG hosts over 10k free ebooks or etexts, and is growing at the rate of about 100 each week. To me, an avid reader, the preservation and distribution of the written word is exciting. As you can imagine, transcribing entire books accurately would be an overwhelming task even for a largish group of people. However, it's done primarily by volunteers. Through the Distributed Proofreaders project, everyone can contribute to this undertaking, one page at a time. Basically, after you sign up, you can aid the project simply by comparing and correcting a page of the book of your choice. An actual scan of the page appears next to an editable text area, and all you have to do is make corrections to the interpretation made by software. Some pages require HUGE amounts of editing, and others just need maybe 5 small corrections. I've done 100 pages thus far, and it's really addictive. I'm probably just a geek. However, there's at least 20 projects going at a time, and you can hop in and out at any time with no commitments. Short stories, poetry, financial accounts, even crochet patterns are available, and you can seek out your personal interest. Personally, I like the short stories the best because you get to read something you might not have come across otherwise, making small corrections as you read. Take a look. Now for the stuff you're here for.