<$BlogRSDURL$>

My mutant power is helping people waste time more efficiently! Quality procrastination since 1995.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Weerie.

This little freak out seemed lame until I actually started reading things out loud, and I was a total direct hit on the third one. Even *I* don't know how it works.

However, I do know how to make diamonds in the microwave.

"Gold? Don't be silly, Mindy. I can't make gold! But diamonds are a snap! Junior, get me the vaccuum cleaner!"

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Quote of The Day

I believe that if you can't say something nice about someone... you must be talking about Hilary Clinton - Jeff Foxworthy

Sunday, November 07, 2004

British Snobbery

Am I the only person who finds the Dyson Vacuum guy kind of snobby? He's that kind of creepy British guy who says he spent 16 years in pursuit of the perfect vacuum that doesn't clog up. (ominous pause.) *ever*. I don't know about you, but I'm just not feeling a sense of growing admiration or trust in British ingenuity. I mean, these are the folks who eat Spotted Dick, inflicted us with Bridget Jones, and invented the MG. I feel bad for Dyson Guy's mom. Her son spent 16 years inventing something that had already been invented. She must think, "Why, why couldn't he have just been gay instead?"

Maybe I'm just on a lower plane of existence or something. I spent five minutes opening the box on my vacuum, freeing up, apparently, 15 years, 364 days, 23 hours, and 55 minutes for me to do...other things. I have never wept when I've had to flip it over and pull out the wayward sock, rock, rawhide, or whatever happened to be clogging it. There were no fists of rage shaken at the sky at any one of the five times I've changed the bag. I must be an ignorant American, practically catatonic in my absolute satisfaction with my simply *adequate* vaccuum.

Dear Dyson Man: So what?

And to the many, many people who have spent upwards of $500 on this "perfect" vaccuum: Does it suck as much as your MG? Have you found fulfillment? Because no matter how incredible your sense of triumph at owning this overpriced product of misguided obsession, it can't save you a bunch of money on car insurance.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I voted for Bush!

Hurrah! I drove an hour and forty-five minutes to the courthouse, and luckily there were no lines! I voted for Bush, and a handful of Libertarians as applicable. I voted to disband SAIF, to make it, in a roundabout way, legal to have 6lbs of marijuana (and a case of Doritos) in your trunk, and to cut down a whole lot of trees.

Did my vote make a difference? Yes, yes it did. Apparently, however, only in the election of Don Leard, the Mayor apparent for the fair city of Lafayette, OR. Don goes to my mom's church, and my vote contributed to his victory of 235-154 (that's votes, not like, hundreds of votes or thousands of votes). Where else can one vote be 1.2% of the deciding factor?

God Bless America. Oh wait, He just did.

I voted for Bush.

Soon I will be able to say that! I have to drive three hours round trip to vote because of a DMV fiasco resulting in my absentee ballot being...absent. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Even if it takes me three hours, plus standing in line, I am voting for Bush.

Tika-blah-blah: Did you know that in the early days, the loser just became the VP? It's true. No link b/c I'm at work. Can you imagine? The only upside would be that there would be a cook at the White House that would be the Gore-Bush Chef. And that would be funny. Gore-Bush Chef in the White House!

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?